When we find love, everything is better. We feel happy, excited and we face each day with anticipation, because each day will be shared with the one we love. This exuberance can go on for days, weeks or even years, if we are fortunate to have marriage in the picture.

Regardless of the duration, it can feel devastating when it ends. People like me, a poet, come to write about our feelings as a way to cope or to help others understand they are not alone in what they are feeling. We need to realize, our feelings are personal and do cut to the bone for the man and the woman. This can make us feel embarrassed about what has happened and affect our self esteem – regardless of who left and why. If you experience “Lost love” there are a few things you can do to help yourself work through the pain.

1. Time for Me – Be sure to recognize you have been through a traumatic event and need time to grieve. You have suffered a loss – a loss of someone special. Someone you cared for, trusted, shared so much with -including a shared heartbeat. Take time for you and give yourself time to grieve the loss. Give yourself alone time to manage those raw feelings that are always on the surface; or that tear always be ready to fall if someone looks at you sideways.
2. Avoid alcohol, drugs and food binging – fight the temptation to drown yourself in alcohol, mask the feeling with drugs or find the saddest movies on NETFLIX and binge eat. These are addictive, destructive habits, and will not help you manage through the pain. They will only feed your pain and depression. Try and make healthy choices.
3. Find someone to share what you feel. The pain you feel is real. It hurts alot and everyday. It is emotional and physical. I believe it is important you find a way to release these feelings in order to help yourself. Hopefully you have someone in your circle [friend, family, clergy] that you can confide in: if not, find a 3rd party, like a therapist. But find someone to talk to. Get help and do not try and go it alone.
4. Make the choice to move on – Force yourself to recognize that the relationship you loved, and was so special, has ended. Recognize the need for separation of the feelings – move them from today to yesterday. Get these feelings behind you. Avoid dwelling on the possibility it will get better or it will all work out; and you will ride off into the sunset together. These feelings will fuel anticipation, and probably set you up for disappointment and more pain. Not saying it is not possible, but it should be a pretty sure thing before you latch on to the optimism. If not, please move on.
5. Hide / remove reminders. There is no reason to keep pictures, keepsakes or mementos of time spent together around to remind you of what you lost. I suggest gathering them up and putting them in a box that you can get to if necessary. Save them until you have worked through your pain and anger. They have a place in your life. They are loving memories that are meaningful. They are experiences that helped shape who you are, or who you have become. Do not dispose of them in anger. You could regret this later. When you are ready, with feelings in check, deal with them then.

Getting past a lost relationship is not easy, and there is no magic formula or magic pill, but you can take steps to make it better. It takes time and proactive actions by you to get through the pain. It will be better in time, and that is different for each of us. However, you have to make a positive change each day and every day. You need to be constantly moving forward to heal yourself. Do not hibernate, stay inside alone, or avoid your friends. Do things you like. Explore new interests. Try new things, especially if they give you the opportunity to meet new people. Find ways to interact and be active. Let yourself heal; give yourself the chance to be happy, even if you’re single for awhile. Do not spend your time beating yourself up or living in a place of sorrow.

There is someone out there for each of us. Do not shut everyone out so they cannot find you. As they pass by your life, be open and let them in; they could be the one for you.